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Slay me Part 2 March 22, 2008

Posted by Theresa Madden in Bible, Devotions/Quiet Time, Faith, Family, Feelings, Friends, God, Journal, Love, Ministry, Music, Prayer, Retreat, Testimony.
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I prayed that prayer sincerely with all my heart, confident that should He ask it of me, He will give me the strength to lay down my life for Him. See how one dimensional my thinking was? I thought of being slain in only one way, laying down my life for Him. The Lord sees it many ways as I soon found out.

Just before we arrived at Lake Bradley, our retreat location I was asked to run the sound. I said sure I would. A bit of background here; the Lord had asked me to lay down all the co-ordinating and speaking roles for this retreat just a couple months ago. I had been in the midst with the rest of the team and had started researching and writing my session notes. The Lord gave me a peace about this, that is until I went to the meetings and didn’t have any “physical, tangible” things to lay on the table. It became hard to be in the meetings. I persevered, with much much prayer. My role He said for this retreat was to be in the Word and prayer daily for all the women who would attend. I faithfully did as He asked.

Okay, back to the retreat. I was a bit confused as it is hard to be in the middle of something sometimes and see what God is doing. I was prepared to hang out with my sister and not have a visible presence. I started the sound, and had a bunch of fun playing with eq, adjusting between songs if needed, and for the various speakers. All went well until I gave a machine more credit for being smart than it should have. I switched out tapes to record one of the sessions, the prior tape had run both sides. Well, I thought that thing is so smart of course it will know when I put the new tape in, push the button to start at the beginning. I was so wrong. In this session Nancy J spoke of God’s extravagant grace and we have to reach out and accept it. In my perfectionist ways…I looked at it as “they had given me something to do and I managed to mess it up”. I had to apologize to Nancy, she was quite okay with it not being recorded and told me so, I on the other hand was crying my eyes out.

What was the big deal? My friend still loves me. She will not kick me to the curb and leave me there alone, she loves me. I am learning to accept that she does, that my friends really do love me for me, not what I do or how well I do it. And in learning to believe that I reflect deeper and see that also my pride was wounded. I looked at being slain in the ultimate sense of the word. The easiest really. God is looking at my being slain, as a daily laying down of my self. Did I not pray for that very thing? Yes, I did. And God answered my prayer in the way He knew was best for me. No, I did not get the easy way out, but do I really want it? I want to be closer to God, smack dab tight against His side, and the only way to do that is to be slain a little more each day. So I thank you Lord for loving me yet again more than I can know.

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Even though You slay me March 21, 2008

Posted by Theresa Madden in Bible, Devotions/Quiet Time, Faith, Feelings, God, Journal, Love, Ministry, Music, Prayer, Retreat, Testimony.
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Have you ever prayed that? I did last weekend at retreat. Our retreat was titles “Extravagance- A Glimpse of God’s Glory”. He was so faithful to show us many glimpses.

We had had a wonderful morning session with Tammy C teaching on the Power of His Glory and a video presentation by Louie Giglio (How Great Is Our God). We were ready for our Quiet Time with the Lord.

3.15.08 Excerpts from my devotional book: Ps. 104:1-4 The very thing we talked about last night and this morning Lord! Glimpses of Your glory Lord, thank You! Continue to reveal my weaknesses to me Lord so that I may identify, surrender, seek forgiveness, and have victory. You, Lord provide the victory. You, Lord are the only One – I cannot have victory apart from You. When we come to places like this retreat, we call them mountain-top experiences – not because we’re on a mountain top, but because You choose to reveal Your glory to us. We come expectant and waiting on You. Please Lord, reveal Your glory to me. Though I be slayed, that is my hearts desire, for Your honor.

Excerpts from my journal: Lord of ALL creation – how majestic You are, what You have created. Father, thank you for your Son – willing to do as You ask. You did not spare Him, who am I to ask that You spare me? Thank you for moving me out of the way so that Your purpose could and would be carried out. Blessed Father, how You have every moment sculpted out. We come to this place daring to ask, to plead for You to show us Your glory. I am determined to be bold, to be led of You, in Your time, in Your place, in Your ways. Not in mine. As YOU will Father. In Jesus name, Amen.

Tomorrow I will write of what happened next…